About a year and a half ago my husband and I became guardians for two of the sweetest and meanest kids on this earth. Now six and 23 months, this little girl and boy have become my world. Their mother lost the honor of rearing her children, she is an addict. Her drugs of choice oxy-cotton and crystal. She has been clean and sober from oxy for a year by her account. She still says that pot is not a drug and she has not told me how long since her last hit of crystal. I hope she is clean because she is expecting another child in October. She says she will raise this one along with her new friend. He is presently in rehab and states he wants to marry her. I pray that they stay clean and make a home for themselves and the kids one day.
I really do want to see her sober and able to care for the kids. She says all the right things, it is just that she has no job, refuses to complete her GED, get her driver licence and has no home as of yet. I worry and just would like to see more action. The kids are the ones who suffer, her daughter so wants to stay with her. That is not to say that she does not like staying with us or me it is just she misses her mom. The little boy enjoys playing with her but he is used to me caring for me. I think he will have a hard time adjusting when the time comes. Don't get me wrong I believe it can be done and he will adjust; I just think that he will miss me more than my grand-daughter.
The little girl is so much like her mother it is scary. She refuses to mind, you have to get physical to get her attention at times, and she is a little smart behind. Don't get me wrong, I love her so much it is just she enjoys doing what she wants when she wants and refuses to follow the rules if she disagrees with them; just like her mom. Example: She just dropped her brother and we told her not to pick up her brother again. Five minutes later she picks him up and drops him again. It is like this all day long. Taking toys away, spanking, talking to her or not allowing her to go to her friends does not work as punishments. If anyone knows of a way to get her attention please share.
Now to add to the stress her brother is mocking her and follow her examples. He has begun to stomp his feet, yell and give attitude just like her. It would be funny if it was not so heartbreaking. I am afraid that he will become as bossy as her and have trouble getting along with others. She can be as sweet as candy but she chooses not to. I hope she out grows this phase and reverts to the sweet little girl of a year ago. I feel greatly honored to be able to be a part of their lives but sometimes I get tired. Mother does not agree with my parenting skills, I sometimes say please and thank you when I ask her to do something or she does as she is suppose to. Momma says that I should just tell her and she should just do whatever, by the way her mother agrees with my mother.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Catching Up
This is going to be my outlet and release from my day to day life. I have undertaken one of the hardest jobs of my life; caring for my mother as she starts her journey with Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia. I can not even get her to the doctor's, she says "if I have Alzheimer's or something similar I do not want to know". I can sort of understand, she and I have walked down this road before: her mother died from the disease. She and I were her main caregiver. She put her life on hold and repaid granny's kindness to her after she was injured in a almost fatal car wreck in 1967. It took the life of my father and her leg, broke her back, shattered most of the bones in her face, taking her almost a year to recover enough to start living her life again.
Momma is a feisty lady. She is head strong, full of vinegar and spice, and very sure of herself, normally. In this season of her life she is afraid, confused, and needy. She has been hit hard and so have I. We both remarried in July, she lost her husband on my anniversary three years ago. He died from cancer that had spread through out his body. She and I teamed up again and became his primary caregivers for the last two and one-half years of his life. This was hard, watching a strong man become completely dependent on us was not something we enjoyed. She was beginning to deal with the grief and loneliness somewhat when the next event happened. Again in July her grandson accidentally overdosed on prescription medications. This has almost killed her and I guess the stress has made the dementia more noticeable.
She has a lot of pride and does not want my sister to know because she says that her husband and her will not let her live her life like she wants. I try to allow her to make her own decisions and try not to let her hurt herself in the process. I know that last statement would sound crazy based on some of the decisions she has made. In my defense I am only following her husband's last wishes by allowing her to spend her money the way she pleases. By doing this she is now stressing about some of her choices and the consequences of those choices. She loaned her grandson a great deal of money or rather gave it to him, now money is tight. I was told to let her play as much video poker as she wanted and to remind her that it was her money and she can and could do whatever, just allow it to be her choice. I believe she is a little disappointed in herself at times for things she has done and for things she did not do.
Trying to make her understand that she is not responsible for the death of her grandson or the death of either my father or poppa. The day her grandson died she ask my pastor if she was a black widow, stating that all the people she loved greatly had died at a early age. He assured her that she was not but I do not think she believes him or me. I think she still holds herself partly responsible for his and poppa death. She has said many times maybe if I had did this or that.... she is driving herself crazy.
I know that the dementia affects the way she process things and I know that once something gets on her mind it stays there till something else takes its place. That it one of the things I hate most about this illness, once a person starts thinking or gets thoughts on his or hers mind it stays. They become impatience, irritable, and demanding. Things in their world become jumbled, they lose control and can not complete simple tasks at times. My mother is not there yet, but she does not remember some of our recent conversations and repeats herself frequently. She is afraid and does not trust anyone. She is becoming more like granny everyday.
Momma is a feisty lady. She is head strong, full of vinegar and spice, and very sure of herself, normally. In this season of her life she is afraid, confused, and needy. She has been hit hard and so have I. We both remarried in July, she lost her husband on my anniversary three years ago. He died from cancer that had spread through out his body. She and I teamed up again and became his primary caregivers for the last two and one-half years of his life. This was hard, watching a strong man become completely dependent on us was not something we enjoyed. She was beginning to deal with the grief and loneliness somewhat when the next event happened. Again in July her grandson accidentally overdosed on prescription medications. This has almost killed her and I guess the stress has made the dementia more noticeable.
She has a lot of pride and does not want my sister to know because she says that her husband and her will not let her live her life like she wants. I try to allow her to make her own decisions and try not to let her hurt herself in the process. I know that last statement would sound crazy based on some of the decisions she has made. In my defense I am only following her husband's last wishes by allowing her to spend her money the way she pleases. By doing this she is now stressing about some of her choices and the consequences of those choices. She loaned her grandson a great deal of money or rather gave it to him, now money is tight. I was told to let her play as much video poker as she wanted and to remind her that it was her money and she can and could do whatever, just allow it to be her choice. I believe she is a little disappointed in herself at times for things she has done and for things she did not do.
Trying to make her understand that she is not responsible for the death of her grandson or the death of either my father or poppa. The day her grandson died she ask my pastor if she was a black widow, stating that all the people she loved greatly had died at a early age. He assured her that she was not but I do not think she believes him or me. I think she still holds herself partly responsible for his and poppa death. She has said many times maybe if I had did this or that.... she is driving herself crazy.
I know that the dementia affects the way she process things and I know that once something gets on her mind it stays there till something else takes its place. That it one of the things I hate most about this illness, once a person starts thinking or gets thoughts on his or hers mind it stays. They become impatience, irritable, and demanding. Things in their world become jumbled, they lose control and can not complete simple tasks at times. My mother is not there yet, but she does not remember some of our recent conversations and repeats herself frequently. She is afraid and does not trust anyone. She is becoming more like granny everyday.
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